My apologies to all, but this is something i have to write.
i have long been facinated by the number of names we have for...er...human waste. Here's my list. Please add to it, i know every household has their own private version. I'm considering doing a thesis on it...
shit
No. 2
potty
caca / kaka
chi-chi / chee (short form)
tatti
goo-goo
Hug /H (for the polite)
Big job
Motions (!)
Stools (i want to laugh everytime a doc says that)
doo-doo
anyone?
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Friday, June 23, 2006
i have become my mother.
its true.
all the things she used to do around the house that used to annoy me, i now do myself.
she'd wake up at seven (or even six) and put away the cutlery. i wake up at 7 and cook.
she'd keep nagging me to hang my towel out to dry. now i nag my brother.
she'd sit down under the fan sweaty and tired after cooking and ask for a glass of cold water. (this didn't bug me, its just an observation) i do the same.
she'd tell me managing the house makes you great with time management. i now believe the same.
she'd always be clearing glasses and bottles and plates. ditto.
it is amazing how much we absorb without realising it.
does that mean that all children end up atleast somewhat like their parents?
its true.
all the things she used to do around the house that used to annoy me, i now do myself.
she'd wake up at seven (or even six) and put away the cutlery. i wake up at 7 and cook.
she'd keep nagging me to hang my towel out to dry. now i nag my brother.
she'd sit down under the fan sweaty and tired after cooking and ask for a glass of cold water. (this didn't bug me, its just an observation) i do the same.
she'd tell me managing the house makes you great with time management. i now believe the same.
she'd always be clearing glasses and bottles and plates. ditto.
it is amazing how much we absorb without realising it.
does that mean that all children end up atleast somewhat like their parents?
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Yes i am obsessed with maids. Sacking maids, finding maids, training maids, talking about maids and even blogging about maids. I have a feeling its on the verge of becoming a slightly unhealthy obssesion. Every conversation i've been having of late, with friends, collegues, and even with the stranger in the lift, ends up with me talking about my maid problems. And most of the time people pour their hearts out too...
My maid can't cook. My maid finishes all the sugar. My maid and the driver are having an affair. My maid never cleans under the bed. My maid gets more phone calls than i do. My maid uses my expensive moisturizer. My maids son spoilt my sofa. My maid refuses to do the ironing...
After movies and cricket, i think the only other thing that binds the people of this country together, is maid problems. The rabid RSS aunty and the jehadi Muslim uncle, the fat middle class bhabhi and the chic page 3 socialite will ordinarily not talk or even look at each other, but if you somehow nudge a maid into the conversation and they'll end up best friends, swapping stories and training techniques.
In the last month, i have fired 2 maids. I have never fired anyone before, and spent many nights wondering how to do it. Luckily it didn't turn out to be too traumatic. Though living without a maid, did. I remember getting annoyed with my mum because she always used to potter around the house doing something or the other. Just sit down, i'd say. Nothing will happen if you don't fold the towels today.
I was wrong. Stuff does happen.
The dishes pile up.
The washing piles up.
The ironing piles up.
The newspapers pile up.
The garbage piles up.
The dirt in the corners piles up.
The dust on various surfaces pile up.
The late marks at work pile up.
Sometimes i feel like i'll drown.
Under all that unattended housework.
So i call everyone i know. Find me a maid who is:
1. hygenic
2. responsible
3. trustworthy
4. cooks well
5. irons well
6. cleans well
7. can answer the phone
8. won't have an affair with the driver
9. or watchmen
10. or the nextdoor neighbours male servant.
Shouldn't be that tough, right. Right? RIGHT???
In the meanwhile, i sweep and swab, i chop and cook, i wash and dry, i hang up and take down, i wash again, i put away, i fold, i clear, i fix, and i get dust allergies. It isn't an easy job.
So heres to my mum and my aunts and all the people i know who run fabulous houses without a frown, a grumble or a sigh. Here's to them for never making a guest feel like a burden. For always producing a delicious meal. For always having a ready bed and fresh towels. And here's to them for smiling through it. Since i don't know if i can ever be like that, CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FIND ME A MAID!
Ps: anyone interested in opening a maid training school?
My maid can't cook. My maid finishes all the sugar. My maid and the driver are having an affair. My maid never cleans under the bed. My maid gets more phone calls than i do. My maid uses my expensive moisturizer. My maids son spoilt my sofa. My maid refuses to do the ironing...
After movies and cricket, i think the only other thing that binds the people of this country together, is maid problems. The rabid RSS aunty and the jehadi Muslim uncle, the fat middle class bhabhi and the chic page 3 socialite will ordinarily not talk or even look at each other, but if you somehow nudge a maid into the conversation and they'll end up best friends, swapping stories and training techniques.
In the last month, i have fired 2 maids. I have never fired anyone before, and spent many nights wondering how to do it. Luckily it didn't turn out to be too traumatic. Though living without a maid, did. I remember getting annoyed with my mum because she always used to potter around the house doing something or the other. Just sit down, i'd say. Nothing will happen if you don't fold the towels today.
I was wrong. Stuff does happen.
The dishes pile up.
The washing piles up.
The ironing piles up.
The newspapers pile up.
The garbage piles up.
The dirt in the corners piles up.
The dust on various surfaces pile up.
The late marks at work pile up.
Sometimes i feel like i'll drown.
Under all that unattended housework.
So i call everyone i know. Find me a maid who is:
1. hygenic
2. responsible
3. trustworthy
4. cooks well
5. irons well
6. cleans well
7. can answer the phone
8. won't have an affair with the driver
9. or watchmen
10. or the nextdoor neighbours male servant.
Shouldn't be that tough, right. Right? RIGHT???
In the meanwhile, i sweep and swab, i chop and cook, i wash and dry, i hang up and take down, i wash again, i put away, i fold, i clear, i fix, and i get dust allergies. It isn't an easy job.
So heres to my mum and my aunts and all the people i know who run fabulous houses without a frown, a grumble or a sigh. Here's to them for never making a guest feel like a burden. For always producing a delicious meal. For always having a ready bed and fresh towels. And here's to them for smiling through it. Since i don't know if i can ever be like that, CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FIND ME A MAID!
Ps: anyone interested in opening a maid training school?
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
THE WORST MAID CONTEST
in random order, feel free to add horrors of your own.
1. My maid and my driver are having an affair.
2. My maid sneezes into the atta.
3. My maid consumes 2 kilos of sugar a month.
4. I caught my maid sprawled asleep on my bed, spit drooling down the side of her mouth onto my expensive bed linen.
5. My maids son plays on the sofa and dirties it.
6. My maid sneaks her lover into the house at night.
7. My maid is an alcoholic. (i swear)
8. My maid is a bar dancer. (as accused by the other help)
9. My maid eats up all of last nights expensive dessert, for breakfast.
10. My maid slashed herself in order to fake a robbery.
Conclusion: Finding Mr Right may prove slightly easier than finding Ms Perfect Maid.
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