Yes i am obsessed with maids. Sacking maids, finding maids, training maids, talking about maids and even blogging about maids. I have a feeling its on the verge of becoming a slightly unhealthy obssesion. Every conversation i've been having of late, with friends, collegues, and even with the stranger in the lift, ends up with me talking about my maid problems. And most of the time people pour their hearts out too...

My maid can't cook. My maid finishes all the sugar. My maid and the driver are having an affair. My maid never cleans under the bed. My maid gets more phone calls than i do. My maid uses my expensive moisturizer. My maids son spoilt my sofa. My maid refuses to do the ironing...

After movies and cricket, i think the only other thing that binds the people of this country together, is maid problems. The rabid RSS aunty and the jehadi Muslim uncle, the fat middle class bhabhi and the chic page 3 socialite will ordinarily not talk or even look at each other, but if you somehow nudge a maid into the conversation and they'll end up best friends, swapping stories and training techniques.

In the last month, i have fired 2 maids. I have never fired anyone before, and spent many nights wondering how to do it. Luckily it didn't turn out to be too traumatic. Though living without a maid, did. I remember getting annoyed with my mum because she always used to potter around the house doing something or the other. Just sit down, i'd say. Nothing will happen if you don't fold the towels today.

I was wrong. Stuff does happen.

The dishes pile up.
The washing piles up.
The ironing piles up.
The newspapers pile up.
The garbage piles up.
The dirt in the corners piles up.
The dust on various surfaces pile up.
The late marks at work pile up.
Sometimes i feel like i'll drown.
Under all that unattended housework.

So i call everyone i know. Find me a maid who is:
1. hygenic
2. responsible
3. trustworthy
4. cooks well
5. irons well
6. cleans well
7. can answer the phone
8. won't have an affair with the driver
9. or watchmen
10. or the nextdoor neighbours male servant.

Shouldn't be that tough, right. Right? RIGHT???

In the meanwhile, i sweep and swab, i chop and cook, i wash and dry, i hang up and take down, i wash again, i put away, i fold, i clear, i fix, and i get dust allergies. It isn't an easy job.

So heres to my mum and my aunts and all the people i know who run fabulous houses without a frown, a grumble or a sigh. Here's to them for never making a guest feel like a burden. For always producing a delicious meal. For always having a ready bed and fresh towels. And here's to them for smiling through it. Since i don't know if i can ever be like that, CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FIND ME A MAID!

Ps: anyone interested in opening a maid training school?